if i grow up i'm going to be a commercial designer. i'm sure there's a cooler name for that but that's what i'm using. and every single one of my commercials is going to have some monotonous man, [possibly ben stein?] standing in front of a white wall holding up a product. and he'll say 'buy this product. it's cool.' and then i'm going to take all the extra money that we don't use on the stupid commercials and send it to some sort of worthy organization or charity. because really, commercials suck so much. having little bottles of different types of antacid medications talking to each other and then having a bottle of gas & antacid pills telling the other medications how bad they are is not going to make me buy any sort of heartburn and/or gas pills ever. i would rather have heartburn and gas than buy a product that has such crappy commercials. you know why i don't drink pepsi? britney spears. and whatsherface, that little annoying girl. and because i don't like pepsi. but you know.

it's saturday night and i'm home alone. i can't go anywhere because i'm at my dad's. there's no way for me to get back in.

it's saturday night, i can't sleep, and we're watching the news, she says do me a favor, don't go with a guy who would make you choose, and i don't understand and she tries to explain, and all that mascara runs down in her pain 'cause she's leaving, me, oh.

i used to listen to that song every single day and i never understood what it meant. i loved that song.

my lip is bleeding profusely. it needs to stop. when i was five i cut my lip open with my dad's razor. my sister was pretending to shave. i didn't realize that she wasn't actually touching the razor to her face. egh. i'm hungry. i shouldn't be because i ate - well i don't want to talk about that. but it was a lot. too much cholesterol, man. five pieces of bread!

i dyed my hair today. it is not quite red enough. i need to go nuts with this. i need my hair to be the color of tori's during the little earthquakes era.

i want a margarita. actually i just want the glass. i love margarita glasses.

i thought i'd be happy not to be home tonight so that i don't have to walk gracie. but i've found that i sort of almost kind of miss it. there is something so weird about walking a dog at night in the bitter cold and listening to little earthquakes. i mean, there's really nothing as powerful as running up a hill with a dog with your favorite cd blasting in your ears, there really isn't. and i'd do it alone, but there is something strange about being with a dog. a sort of false security i suppose, but it's like there's not enough purpose to do it alone. and you can't do it with a human because if you talk to it, it talks back.

i don't like living with dogs. i would like to work with dogs. i hate living with them. i hate how you trip over them and they rip things apart and they follow you when you want to be alone. i love how they cuddle on the bed and lay next to you when you watch tv. and i like walking them. that is probably why i like rats. get rid of them when you want to.

i like frappacuino. there is a sort of comfort of being at school. i really don't mind being there. i just hate coming home. i hate going and leaving and doing homework. i hate waking up. i hate the feeling of getting ready each morning. i hate waiting for the bus. but once i'm there in history and i'm surrounded by people, like just real people, it's so strange and weird and good. and once you get used to everybody it's like a little family. and it's weird because it's like in school last year with core, everyone hated each other. we all hated each other. i mean, we had our groups. actually i didn't. but they all did. and they all sort of ... i don't know. but by the end of the year it was so comfortable. it didn't really much matter what you said anymore. it's weird when you spend so much time with people ... even if you don't like them, it's still just... what the fuck am i talking about?

i need to sleep.

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